


A Wedding At The Gas Station

by sipjackerryjuice



Category: Tales from the Gas Station
Genre: Established Relationship, F/F, Fluff, Happy Ending, Jackerry, M/M, SPOILERS!!!!!!, Smut, Spoilers for the books, Wedding, also bedside manor spoilers, big bedside manor spoilers, but also smut, especially volume three, its very fluffy, jackxjerry, jerk, robrien, there's definitely plot, tw mentions of drugs, tw mentions of injury (but not too graphic)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-13
Updated: 2020-10-14
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:27:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 17,758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26985901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sipjackerryjuice/pseuds/sipjackerryjuice
Summary: A very Tales From The Gas Station wedding.
Relationships: Jack/Jerry (Tales From the Gas Station), Rosa/O'Brien (Tales From the Gas Station)
Kudos: 15





	1. Wisdom From Alligators

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [White Christmas](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26558650) by [sipjackerryjuice](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sipjackerryjuice/pseuds/sipjackerryjuice). 



> hi everybody! whew, this is really my magnum opus fic so far! when I wrote White Christmas, I just knew I had to do a sequel, so here it is  
> thank you to Anne, Jess, Mesa, Aut, and everyone else on the Pain Gravy discord who gave me inspiration  
> you guys are a constant source of reassurance and creativity  
> as always leave a comment/kudos if you liked it and enjoy!!
> 
> p.s. if Jack sees this, I'm sorry I ripped on your eyebrows but they really are just so cute

My morning started when the sun walked in and asked me for a pack of Marlboros.  
"Morning, sweet cheeks, you know what I'm here for."  
My cheeks flushed red at 'sweet cheeks' like they always did. I found myself extremely confused as Jerry held out a five to me.  
"What's this for?"  
"For… the cigarettes?"  
I blinked, dumbfounded.  
"You're… you're paying me for them? For the cigarettes?"  
"Yeah, Jack. That's how capitalism works. Though I don't often like to find myself a minion of capitalism, you do own the place. Woah, dude… are you crying?"  
Me? Crying? I couldn't fathom why he'd ask me such a ridiculous question.  
"I'm just kinda shocked… you've never really paid before."  
Jerry shrugged and grinned.  
"Well, we're having some big changes today, aren't we Jackhammer?"  
Jerry— for all his jokes —was serious about that. I knew Rosa would be in any minute to shoo us out and start decorating.  
If you had told me a year ago today that I would be getting married, I would've laughed in your face. A year ago, I didn't even think I'd live another six months. But crazy things happen at the shitty gas station at the edge of town, and I guess me getting married was one of the crazier things.  
Sure enough, Rosa showed up to close the gas station, and politely showed us the door. We weren't going to have a large ceremony— just a few close friends. Jerry had the bright idea to have it in the gas station, and honestly, I thought it was fitting. Rosa immediately volunteered to make the gas station look as fit for a wedding as it could and seek online certification to marry us. Jerry immediately accepted both offers. She always went the extra mile, and I was so glad to have her as a friend.  
The February morning was chilly, so Jerry took off his jacket and wrapped it around me as we walked to the Nissan. It smelled like weed and hot chocolate.  
He drove us home, and the house was warm and inviting. There were pink and red touches everywhere and a big bouquet of fresh roses on the kitchen table on a strange and vintage Alligator Cupid tablecloth. Where Jerry had gotten it, there was no telling. But I thought it was rather fascinating.  
Jerry had gotten out a pan and was busy cooking bacon and humming to himself. The smell of hot butter and sugar began to fill the air as Jerry started making French toast. I went to start a pot of coffee, and he caught me.  
"Ah ah ah, you remember our deal. If I'm cutting down on cigarettes, you're cutting down on coffee. Hold on, I'll make you some tea."  
Jerry and I had made a joint New Years Resolution. He’d slowly cut back on his cigarettes, and I’d slowly cut back on coffee.  
When the food and tea were all done, we sat down together at the table. Jerry fed me bites of French toast as we watched the sunrise from the kitchen window, throwing soft beams of morning sunlight across the floor.  
"Rosa picked red and purple for the flower colors. I think it'll look nice."  
I took his hand and interlocked our fingers.  
"I'm sure it will."  
"You know I was on a wicked trip a few days ago, and I found a rock that looked like an alligator."  
"Hm?"  
"We should go and find it together. For good luck."  
I yawned. I was full, and my eyelids were much heavier than usual.  
"I need to take my medicine, and then can I take a quick nap first?"  
Jerry nodded, smiling.  
"We can cuddle."  
I took my cocktail of pills before trudging back to the bedroom, Jerry following close behind. I laid down in bed and snuggled up close to him. I let my eyes drift shut, listening to his heartbeat. Though I only slept lightly in five-minute intervals, I felt somewhat refreshed when he gently shook me awake.  
I rubbed my eyes.  
"You ready for an adventure?"  
I shrugged as I got out of bed, popping my neck.  
"Sure."  
I popped the rest of my joints, and Jerry laughed.  
“You’re like an old wooden rocking chair, it’s hilarious.”  
“Don’t say that if you’re not prepared to sit on me.”  
Jerry snorted.  
“Yeah, right. Put your money where your mouth is some time, Townsend.”  
I scooped my hoodie and sweatpants off the floor and splashed some water on my face in the bathroom. I threw them back on, and Jerry had changed into his "adventuring" outfit.  
After many different (mis)adventures throughout the time we'd known each other, Jerry had perfected an outfit that was well-equipped for whenever we knew we were going to get into some weird shit. The outfit had a few different variables depending on the season. Still, it usually consisted of cargo pants and a cotton t-shirt. He wore steel toe boots and always had the cargo pants pockets stuffed full with things that might come in handy.  
As we went through the kitchen, I grabbed a few water bottles and granola bars and stuffed them into my hoodie pocket. Jerry grabbed the keys off of the key holder and skipped out to the Nissan. He was the first and only grown man I'd ever seen skip regularly. It was annoying and adorable at the same time.  
I climbed into the passenger seat.  
"Do you know exactly where it is we're going?"  
Jerry's dismissive answer of "I think so, dude" as he pulled out of the driveway inspired very little confidence. As we drove, the few houses and poorly-paved streets gave way to trees and dirt pathways that could barely be considered roads. Jerry stopped the car when our tires began to sink in the soft earth. He reversed a bit before putting it in park.  
"We can walk from here. You didn't wear your good shoes, did you?"  
"Jerry… please don't tell me that—"  
"Yeah, we're gonna get a little muddy."  
I groaned.  
"If I still had my crutches, you'd get one hell of a whack right now. In fact, let me just take off my—"  
Jerry grinned and patted me hard on the back.  
"Just follow me."  
With little choice, I did so.  
I could hear the cries of birds and the calls of frogs. I didn't hear any hint of any man-made sounds, save for the clicking of my engine. The smell of honeysuckle hung in the air, and the Spanish moss hung in thick clumps on the oaks. With this much uninterrupted nature around, and the prospect of us getting muddy, there was only one place Jerry could be leading us.  
"Jerry, you're going to get us eaten by an alligator or bitten by a snake."  
"Don't worry, I'm sure we don't taste very good. I think either would spit us out after a bite or two."  
"Jerry!"  
"I'm just teasing, calm your tits."  
Jerry went first, cutting our path through the trees to avoid the saw palmetto growing in the dry ground just past the treeline. We passed through, and a seemingly endless, shady bayou stretched out before us. Cypress trees with thick trunks as big as bicycles reached up towards the sky. Their leaves and the moss clinging to them swayed in the wind. The croaking of frogs and songs of birds was much louder here. In the distance, an alligator bellowed. It was a serene sight, for sure.  
Jerry, like the idiot he was, slogged right on into the swampy mud. I was brought out of my peaceful state immediately.  
"Dude!! What are you doing?!?!"  
"It's this way! C'mon dude!"  
"Jerry, this is literally so dangerous. Like, a crazy amount of dangerous, even for us."  
"It's just a quick walk. Nothing bad is gonna happen, I promise. Trust me, dude."  
I let out a grunt of frustration.  
"If I lose any more limbs, I'm… well, I'm gonna be really fucking mad at you."  
I slowly moved into the muck. The water and mud sucked at my shoes hard. I'd been through grosser, but this was certainly not pleasant.  
Jerry stood there, waiting for me.  
"If my leg comes off in this mud, I'm gonna bonk you with it."  
"Haha, bonk."  
"Just shut up and show me this rock."  
"Sir yes sir."  
We trudged through the dark water until we reached a large embankment.  
"There it is," Jerry said excitedly as he pointed, "it's up there!"  
Sure enough, nestled in the treeline was a rock that looked a hell of a lot like an alligator. Like, insanely so. It looked like someone had sculpted it. In retrospect, this should have set off alarms for me, but at the time, it didn't. I mean, things like that don’t just _happen_ in nature. Even the pupils of its eyes had been carefully detailed.  
"Should we go up there?"  
Jerry shook his head quickly.  
"Nah, I went up there the first time, and there was a nest of particularly angry hornets. I just wanted you to see it, though. Figured it might be good luck."  
"It's… it's nice. I'm glad you showed me this. But can we maybe go now?"  
Jerry didn't respond.  
"Hey, Jerry?" I said, "can we—"  
As I turned around, I realized why he hadn't answered me. He was too busy staring into the eyes of the most humongous alligator I'd ever seen— truly a Goliath of a reptile. It was a size I hadn't previously thought possible for alligators, nearly 20 feet. Its armor was dark and worn, and it had a large scar across one eye. With one quick whip of its tail, this thing could've sent me soaring into the trees. We were staring into the cold yellow eyes of an absolute dinosaur.  
"Don't make any sudden movements," I whispered.  
The behemoth moved closer to us and let out a loud hiss. Jerry let out a high pitched 'shit!', and I pissed myself right then and there. Before you laugh at me, take a minute to consider how you'd feel in this situation. This thing was probably the most giant alligator in existence, and it looked hungry as hell. Maybe it wasn't the best thing to do as far as survival, but dammit, I was scared.  
Jerry stumbled back. The titan of an alligator opened its mouth, showing off jagged teeth as big as my hand. A strong and powerful aroma of blood and rot wafted up from its gaping maw. One look down its throat was like staring into the void. We were moments away from death, I was sure of it.  
The booming voice came from all around. It was feminine but powerful, like the voice of a warrior goddess.  
" **Who dares to disturb my realm?! Speak, fools!** ”

I looked around, trying to find the source. Jerry was still frozen. If he heard the voice, he gave no indication. Eventually, it hit me. The only place the voice could be coming from was _the alligator._  
_Had we just stumbled into the lair of an alligator deity?_  
"O-oh, we're sorry! We were just coming to look at something, we didn't mean to intrude!"  
I meant for it to come out a lot more confidently apologetic than it did. My voice was barely a squeak.  
Her eyes rolled around until they focused on me. She let out a deep rumble.  
" **I will forgive your transgression this time, Jack. I sense a likeness in us. Besides, I see a great disruption in your future, and you have more than enough hardship in the cards for you.** "  
Most people would be deeply upset by this, but her revelation filled me only with resigned indifference.  
"Yeah, you're probably right."  
Her eyes began to radiate something that felt deeply uncanny in conjunction with her ruthless reptilian face— sympathy.  
" **Jack, my advice to you is this— sometimes, anger is your best weapon. Your emotions are your sword and shield. Use them wisely, and use them well. And above all else, try not to be too hard on yourself.** "  
_Where had I heard that before?_  
For a moment, she revealed her true form to us. Her dark skin shone, and tribal tattoos wove their way across her extremities. Her large green eyes flicked up and down the both of us, the pupils contracting and expanding as she studied us. Her thick braids hung down to her waist, and her pointed teeth were set in a sharp-but-genuine grin. She wore a dark bear-skin dress and a necklace of water moccasin fangs.  
Jerry took a step back as she towered over us. Her body was huge, as tall as her reptile form was long. He tried to stutter an apology out to her, but his words ran over one another, and it came out in a garbled mess.  
Her grin grew, and she simply winked at us. I blinked, and she was an alligator again. A heron flew by, and she launched herself out of the water, her massive jaws clamping down on the bird's body and neck. It was a clean kill. As she crashed back into the water, Jerry and I were showered in swamp. She disappeared as fast and quiet as she had come, dragging her meal down with her as she sunk below the surface. I could hear her last message to me echoing up from the bottom.  
" **Take your mate and go, Jack. I wish you both happiness and love, but you'd do well not to trespass here again.** "  
I turned to Jerry, watching him pull a lily pad off his shoulder and fling it back out into the water.  
"Can we go now?"  
He let out a nervous chuckle as he grabbed my hand. He squeezed it so hard, it was like he was trying to break my fingers.  
"Yeah cowboy, let's Am Scray."  
We sloshed through the muddy water as fast as possible, and I almost lost my leg once or twice. At one point, I fell and busted up my chin on a piece of driftwood. Jerry helped me up and held my hand the rest of the way, ensuring that I followed his movements so I wouldn't fall again.  
As we came through the trees, I felt overwhelming relief when I saw the car still parked there. I opened the door and collapsed into the passenger seat. A little green tree frog hopped out of my pants leg and into the brush, out of sight.  
Jerry wasted no time starting the car and turning around. He drove out of there like a bat out of hell, dirt and dust forming a cloud behind us thick enough to obscure the view out the back windshield entirely.  
"Did she talk to you too?" Jerry finally said.  
I nodded. The car smelled like our own personal bayou now, and I knew we'd never get rid of this smell no matter how hard we tried.  
"I think I need to shower and throw out these clothes."  
"Agreed."  
As soon as we got inside, Jerry and I stripped in in the little front room and threw our clothes out onto the porch. We went to the bathroom, and Jerry sat me down on the side of the tub. He pulled the hydrogen peroxide and cotton balls from underneath the sink and began to gently clean the blood off of my chin and cheek. The wound stung as the peroxide bubbled and fizzed, cleaning it. I found myself caring about it more than I expected to.  
"Great," I muttered, "we're getting married, and my face is all busted up."  
Jerry pulled a pain expression.  
"I'm sorry, dude. I know I shouldn't have dragged you out there. Are… are you mad at me?"  
I shook my head.  
"Not mad, just a little annoyed. If everything was perfect, it wouldn't be us, right?"  
He broke out into a grin.  
"I guess you're right about that. Now c'mon, let's get cleaned up. Knowing Rosa, she's already almost done."  
He gently unfastened my leg, taking the time to be extra gentle with my now-tender stump. I got up, balancing myself against the wall. He started the shower, and the hot water's hiss immediately sent a wave of serotonin through me. I closed my eyes and focused on the noise, taking deep breaths and trying to put the events of the last hour or so in the vault.  
Jerry came over and scooped me up into a bridal carry. I laid my head against his broad shoulder. When we were both in the shower, he stood me back up, balancing my back against his front. This is the way we usually did this sort of thing. It was nice to have help. As I washed and watched the dark water swirl down the drain, Jerry worked shampoo into my hair. His fingers on my scalp always felt so nice.  
"God, look at these curls. You have the prettiest head of hair, has anyone ever told you that?"  
"You have."  
"Ah, right."  
Having Jerry move in made me realize many things about him I hadn't before. That's a bit of a subject change, but I promise I'm going somewhere with it. For one, the house was often a bit messier, but always well-decorated. Jerry's choice in decor was more than a little strange, but I found it endearing. I'd often find odd things in the pantry or fridge— not even mentioning his weird energy drink concoctions.  
For all his flaws, I will say Jerry was very adamant about doing laundry. Ever since he'd moved in, I hadn't had to do laundry once. I never really saw him doing it that much. I suspected he didn't want me to catch him doing chores, cause then I'd make him do more. He was right about that, too. But my drawers were almost always filled with clean clothes, and I appreciated it.  
The amount of things on my bathroom counter nearly quadrupled when Jerry moved in. He probably had more face care products than most girls I knew.  
Jerry had such a unique way of presenting himself, I'd come to find out. He never was wearing a pair of socks that matched, but they were always clean and matching lengths. His hair was always messy but not _too messy._ His outfits may have looked slightly on the white trash side, but his colors were always coordinated, and his clothes were still clean and nice. He shaved often, and I saw him do so. He always had his nails painted, and I rarely— if ever —saw them chipped. Jerry even _plucked his eyebrows._ Even with all the care he put into his appearance, his scruff still had a messy sort of look to it. His style was always that of intentionally unintentional.  
His shampoo and body wash had felt right next to mine ever since he moved in. His shampoo often had some soft, effeminate scent like vanilla or jasmine. It was nice.  
Jerry ran the strawberry shampoo through his long blonde hair, and I turned around to lay my face against his shoulder. I watched as his hair washed clean, and he worked the conditioner into it.  
"I'll go pick up the suits after I shave, okay, Jackrabbit?"  
I had dropped them off at the dry cleaner's the day previous.  
"That sounds good."  
When we were both clean, Jerry turned off the water and helped me out of the shower with him. He sat me down on the edge of the tub again, taking one of the towels off the towel rack and drying my hair off. He turned me around and took the time to brush out and dry my curls. I closed my eyes, losing myself in the warmth of the blowdryer and the brush against my scalp.  
After that was done, Jerry began the lengthy process of washing his face in the sink. I stayed there, observing him do so. It was always such a pleasant thing to watch. When he was done with that, he grabbed his electric razor from the bathroom drawer. I joined him at the counter, taking my toothbrush and squeezing a general glob of toothpaste out onto it. I washed the taste of blood and swamp out of my mouth as Jerry very carefully trimmed his facial hair. He then went on to do a little trimming in uh… other places, before pulling out nail polish remover.  
I watched Jerry clean, trim, and then paint the glittering dark purple polish onto his nails before filing them. I went to work on reattaching my leg. Once that was done, I took Jerry's bathrobe from the hanger on the wall. I knew it annoyed him when I stole it, and God, it was soft.  
"Hey!"  
"What? You snooze, you lose."  
Jerry just chuckled and shook his head. I left Jerry to finish getting ready as I walked into the kitchen, looking outside at the cold, crisp February afternoon outside the window above the sink.  
I fixed myself another cup of tea. I probably could've gotten away with coffee, but Jerry was right. Not only that, I owed it to him to keep up my end of the bargain.  
I was halfway finished with my cup when Jerry's melodic voice began to approach from the bedroom.  
_Hold me close and hold me fast_  
He had such a lovely voice. I'd never expected Jerry to be able to sing the way he could.  
_That magic spell you cast_  
It was dark and deep, but smooth like a cup of coffee. It had an enchanting quality to it.  
_This is la vie en rose_  
He had a nice mouth too, nice lips—pink like clouds at sunset.  
_When you kiss me, Heaven sighs_  
When we were lying in bed in the dark, and he'd lean over and press his lips to my own softly. I don’t exactly know what Heaven sighing would feel like, but I felt like the love in Jerry’s kisses came close.  
_And though I close my eyes_  
He'd lay his head on my chest, and I'd let my eyes drift closed, gently placing my fingers on his neck so I could feel the steady thrum of his pulse.  
_I see la vie en rose_  
Jerry would press his rosy lips to my collar bone and whisper, "I love you" against my skin. I'd run my fingernails down his back, scratching in the places I knew he liked. He'd move his lips further up to the broad of my neck. He’d hook a warm arm around my shoulder, and the other would—  
"Jack? You okay, buddy?"  
I shook my head, bringing myself out of my daydream.  
"Huh?  
"I said I was gonna go pick up our suits now."  
Jerry was wearing an orange t-shirt and purple shorts with green triangles. He had on yellow flip flops, and his hair was up in a bun. He looked like he'd jumped right out of 90's Nickelodeon.  
"You're really gonna leave the house rocking that? Won’t you be cold?”  
"Nah, I’m used to cold weather. What's wrong? Don't you like it?"  
I laughed.  
"The look certainly suits you, Jerry."  
Jerry grinned, grabbed his cigarettes and the keys off the counter, gave my butt a playful smack, and left.  
_God, I loved that man._


	2. If Anyone Has Any Objections...

By the time Jerry got back, I was halfway done with the sci-fi novel I'd started about a secret agent whose job is to locate Bigfoot. There was a subtle but enrapturing romantic subplot where they believe the narrator has died, and they clone him, but when he comes back, he falls in love with his clone. I couldn't help but feel like this was… somehow familiar.  
Jerry came in, a big smile on his face, two hangers in his hand, and a cigarette in his mouth.  
"Rosa called me and told me that there was a bit of a roadblock when Rocco got inside, but she and Van should have everything ready in an hour or two."  
Vanessa coming back was just about one of the biggest surprises to Jerry and me after the reset. There were a lot of questions that were best left unanswered. The Guardian had done everything for a reason, and I was inclined to believe that I didn’t need to know the _why_ of the majority of it.  
I didn't know whether she was a mimic, and truthfully, I didn't want to. I’m sure Jerry didn’t either. She said that she didn’t remember a lot of what happened after the last time she left the gas station. Van wove a story of ambiguity and delirium. Honestly, I think it was better for everyone that she didn’t remember any finer details.  
We were happy to have her back, and she was happy to be back. That was all that mattered.  
Jerry and I sat on the couch and ate the pizza he’d gotten after picking up our tuxedos— that’s what had taken him so long —and watched episodes of The Office. Jerry did his stupid impressions as always, and time flew by. It always did when I was with him.  
When he was done with nearly half the pizza, he got down on the floor, clipping and then painting my toenails. It was a dark blue color I was very fond of and that he had used in the past. I watched him painstakingly add the outline of a crescent moon on the big toes.  
“Jerry, you don’t have to do that.”  
“Don’t worry about it. I like doing it. Plus, it looks nice.”  
“Haha, Jerry’s got a foot fetish! Gross!”  
Jerry pointed to the sign above the doorway into the kitchen that said, “no kink-shaming allowed.”  
“Hah! So you’re _admitting_ you have a foot fetish?”  
“The sign, Jack.”  
I rolled my eyes, smirking.  
“Whatever you say, Foot Man.”  
Jerry leaped onto me, squealing “you son of a bitch! I’m gonna kill you!” Then he launched a voracious tickle attack. He knew I was extremely ticklish, and he knew all the right places to focus on. In a matter of minutes, he had me unable to speak from laughing so hard. Laughter tears ran from my eyes. His face was close to mine, and he has a determined smirk on his face. In a desperate attempt to get him to stop, I smashed our lips together.  
It worked. Jerry moved his lips against mine, and pretty soon, his fingers were tangled in my hair. He threw a blanket over us, and after long enough, he had me unable to talk for… other reasons.  
I laid back on the couch, shaky and out of breath. The fleece of the blanket felt nice against my hot, bare skin.  
Jerry lit up a cigarette. I watched the smoke float out of his mouth in tiny clouds. He blew smoke rings in my face, and I chuckled.  
“You trying to give me lung cancer? Secondhand smoke kills.”  
He laughed.  
“You really just love to rag on me, don’t you?  
“Mmm yeah. That’s your last one of the day, you know.”  
“I know.”  
I laid my head in the crook of Jerry’s neck as he smoked his cigarette, listening to his breathing. It was such a peaceful, grounding sound. When he was done, he extinguished what was left in the ashtray on the end table and lifted me up into his arms. Jerry carried me a lot, but I wasn’t going to complain.  
“We should probably start getting ready.”  
I nodded in agreement. Jerry carried me into the bedroom where our suits were laid out. His tuxedo was white, and mine was black. He had a little crystal tiara to match his. It was the only way I could talk him out of wearing a full wedding dress. He was really intent on it too, but I talked him down. He gently set me down on the bed, and I began the process of getting fancied up.  
Honestly, I figured the next time I wore a suit, I wouldn’t be around to see it. I had thought I’d be cold and dead in a casket. But here we were. Looking at myself in the mirror as Jerry tied my bow tie for me, it began to fully hit me.  
“Jerry I… I don’t know if I can…”  
He looked at me with his big blue eyes.  
“Huh?”  
I shook my head.  
“Nevermind.”  
He gently ran his hand down my arm.  
“You’re nervous, aren’t you?”  
I sighed.  
“Maybe a little. But I shouldn’t be. I mean, it’s just you.”  
He smiled knowingly.  
“It’s okay to be nervous, Jack. Even if it is just me, it’s a big change. Probably not one you expected to have.”  
I smiled.  
“Yeah. Thanks for understanding, Jerry.”  
He kissed my forehead and went over to get ready himself. I went to brush my hair again.  
With his hair brushed back and his suit on, Jerry looked like he belonged at… well, at a wedding. The little tiara gave it an extra Jerryish flair.  
“Well, we better get on. C’mon, Jackalope.”  
Jerry took the keys, and we locked everything up, making sure Beef Jerky had enough food and water before leaving.  
When we got to the gas station, I was surprised at the construction paper plastered over the windows and doors. It made sense enough; this was a private thing. It kept anyone from nosing into our business. For a gay wedding in middle-of-nowhere, confederate-pride Louisana, that was pretty much a necessity. But the fact that Rosa and Vanessa had taken the time to do so was endearing.  
Jerry parked the car, and we got out. He walked to the front door, and when it didn’t budge, he knocked.  
“What’s the password?” Rosa chirped.  
Jerry rubbed his chin for a moment.  
“Uhhh… please?”  
“That’s the magic word, Jerry, not the password, but I’ll take it.”  
Rosa opened the door and ushered us inside. The gas station felt like an entirely different place. It was clean, smelled… not terrible for once, and was decked out in purple and red flowers and fairy lights. They’d even incorporated the gnomes into the decor. They had folded paper flowers and laid them out all over the front counter, along with electric tealights.  
Rosa and Vanessa had truly outdone themselves. That much was plain to see.  
“Rosa… Van… this is… this is incredible. How’d you guys get it to smell this good in here?”  
They both beamed. Vanessa finished tying a red bow onto the back of a chair.  
“A magician never tells her secrets, right Vanessa?”  
Vanessa laughed and nodded.  
“Well, whatever it is, you should do it more often. It smells less like demon ass and more just like regular ass.” Jerry quipped.  
There was another knock at the door, and Rosa squealed in delight.  
“I think that’s Ames!”  
Rosa opened the door eagerly, and O’Brien walked in. She was wearing a long purple dress with lacy sleeves. The dress came down to her knees, and she was wearing black ankle boots. Her usually pinned up hair was down around her shoulders. She was wearing makeup, earrings, and a gold chain with a pink rose on it. She looked almost like an entirely different person. Rosa greeted her with a warm kiss and a whisper of, “soon, this will be us!” She returned said kiss before greeting us.  
“Peg Leg and Stoner Boy. Never thought I’d see you two look so put together.”  
I smiled. Her sly grin told me that this was the same Amy, just a little fancier.  
“Speak for yourself. You look amazing. Like just so so good.”  
“C’mon Notorious A.O.B.! Give us a spin in that lovely dress!” Jerry cried.  
She laughed and did a little twirl. I’d never seen her so happy.  
“Really? This is my sister’s dress. When I told her about you guys getting married, she sent it to me so I wouldn’t have to ‘show up in uniform.’ She’s a bit annoying sometimes, but god, I love her. Anyway, you don’t look like your half-dead usual self either. It’s nice. You look nice.”  
“Thanks. That means a lot, Amy.”  
Benji was busy setting up the last of the chairs. Jerry offered to help, but he assured him he had it covered.  
Before he was done, I caught him by the arm.  
“Hey, I know I told you to keep an eye out. You haven’t seen… him lately, have you?”  
He shook his head.  
“If he gets a mind to even step one sorry foot in this place, I’ll make sure we’re sponging him off the gas pumps.”  
I smiled.  
“Thanks, Benji.”  
He grunted in recognition and went back to the chairs.  
_What am I worried about? We haven’t seen Spencer in months. There’s no way he’d end up here, not tonight of all nights._  
Once the chairs were set out and filled, Rosa moved behind the counter, and Jerry took his place in front of it. Van began to play the Wedding March on her phone.  
Maybe it wasn’t the biggest or fanciest wedding. Maybe we didn’t have a lot of people here. Maybe my foster parents or siblings weren’t here. Hell, we weren’t even having it in a church. That was okay, though. Jerry and I had agreed that if either of us stepped foot in a church, we’d probably burst into flames. But it felt right enough for us. Besides, who wants a big and beautiful wedding anyway, right…?  
O’Brien walked me down the chip aisle, and once I was standing opposite to Jerry, she took her seat. Rosa smiled and began. I felt a funny sensation in the pit of my stomach. It was a feeling I knew all too well. _No, not now. Any other time, please. Just not now._  
“Dearly beloved,”  
Something was wrong. Something was _really_ wrong. Something terrible was about to happen.


	3. Cosmic Calamity

"We are gathered here this lovely evening to witness the union of Jack Townsend and Jerry Pascal.”  
I could feel eyes on us. The gas station lobby began to feel tinier and tinier. There was a dark energy approaching, and I could feel it throughout my entire body. It was evil and vile. I felt like I was gonna throw up. I turned my head and looked out the window and saw a dark blue-purple glow in the distance. It was getting closer. We were doomed.  
“If anyone has any objections to this union, speak now or forever hold your peace.”  
My stomach dropped when the door made a clicking sound and opened.  
“Hey, Jack. Did you miss me?”  
My mouth went dry. I honestly expected something like this to happen. It was in the back of my mind, and no matter how hard I tried to push it down, it resurfaced.  
I knew Spencer couldn’t and wouldn’t pass up a chance to ruin what was supposed to be the best night of my life.  
But what I never would have expected in a million years is what happened next.  
I watched as _Tony_ shoved past Spencer, looking around. Jerry and I looked at each other, all color draining from our faces.  
“Damn, are we interrupting something?”  
Shit-eating grins crept across both of their faces. We were all frozen except for Amy, who was slowly reaching towards her ankle boot.  
Spencer pulled a gun from his belt and pointed it directly at her head. Rosa let out a yelp.  
“Really, O’Brien, can’t we be civilized? Maybe we just showed up to congratulate Jack on tying the knot.”  
Before O’Brien could say anything, Rosa put a hand on her hip, went full shame look, and snapped, “You’re full of shit, Spencer!” She had the gun we kept under the counter aimed at his head, and the look in her eyes told me she knew how to use it. O'Brien had probably taught her.  
He took one look at her, laughed, and then looked at me.  
“Hey, Jack, why don’t we take a little walk together?”  
“No thank you.”  
I watched Jerry’s face darken.  
“He’s not going anywhere.”  
I heard a loud click, and, not surprisingly, Benji had some sort of shotgun aimed at them. I don’t know what you would call it exactly; I’m not good with guns. It was one of the guns we kept in the storage closet in the Code Black box.  
“You both better get the fuck out of here. I won’t hesitate to splatter your brains all over the wall.”  
Jerry looked at Benji and nodded.  
“Not before I break all their ribs.” Jerry snarled.  
Tony let out a disappointed “tsk.” Spencer turned to him.  
“Well, we tried to be civil.”  
Benji racked the shotgun in his hand and fired. The bullet missed Spencer’s head by maybe half an inch. The rest of us jumped a bit at the loud bang in the enclosed space.  
Gunsmoke hung in the air.  
“I’ll say this only once. Get the fuck out of here, and never come back. Or they’ll be mopping your maggot-filled guts off the asphalt.”  
Spencer didn’t seem phased by this at all. He just turned and let out a loud whistle.  
Then the game changed _entirely._  
Barely a few seconds after was when we all heard the roar. It was so loud it shook my entire being, and it tasted like sulfur. My chest hurt with the power of it, and I felt like my organs were going to burst like overfilled water balloons. The paper on the doors and windows burst into flame and fell to the ground as flakes of [burning art paper](https://instagram.com/burningartpaper?igshid=1f1y2yw9jb4y9) and ash.  
The thing outside the gas station hurt my eyes to look at for too long. It was a giant panther, with luminous fur that looked like it had been made from the deepest reaches and mysteries of space. Its long tail whipped back and forth lazily. This was a game to it. It was just playing with its food before it got down to business and ate us.  
My eyes directly refused to look the creature in the eyes. Still, in my periphery, I could see they were glowing bright… it was a color that didn’t exist. All the colors of the rainbow combined seven million times over with extra colors unknown to man or with too many dimensions to be perceived in their entirety by human eyes. Its paws were simultaneously as big as a motorcycle, as big as a castle, and as big as entire galaxies.  
Jerry, Rosa, Vanessa, Benji, Amy, and I all said ‘FUCK!’ at the exact same moment. Jerry’s eyes began to bleed. _Had he looked it in the eyes?_  
I watched as it began to run towards the gas station. It took it millions of light-years to reach it, yet at the same time, it was already here. It had always been here. Glass and concrete dust flew everywhere as it impacted the front of the gas station, crashing through. It swung out a paw and sent Jerry flying into the back hallway, hitting the metal back door. He went limp. I screamed bloody murder. O’Brien took off her boots, and she and Benji went on the offensive. I raced to Jerry’s side.  
I shook him. Everything was way too loud and happening way too fast. My hands were shaking. He had bleeding gouges across his front. His once pristine tuxedo (British cut) was now shredded to ribbons. Ceiling tiles fell down on us, showering us in dust and the various trash and animal bones found up there. I lifted the back of his dress shirt and saw that his back was now more purple than skin color as giant bruises mottled his skin.  
His eyes slowly opened.  
“Jack? Are you okay?”  
“Am— am I okay? Jerry, what about you?!”  
“Are you hurt?”  
“Jerry, I’ll be fine! What about you?!”  
He looked like he’d been mauled by a bear. I might have preferred it to have been a bear.  
I tried to staunch the bleeding, but Jerry rose to his feet, picked his tiara back up, put it on, and ran back out into the fray. The gas station looked like a war zone. Everyone was either hiding or trying to find a good vantage point to fight this cosmic cat terror. They were all bruised and bloody. I was bruised and bloody, but it wasn’t my own blood.  
I couldn’t think about the fact that I was soaked in Jerry’s blood right now. I’d lose it if I did.  
Spencer and Tony were watching the carnage with delight. Jerry was sprawled out on the floor, underneath the behemoth, and unconscious. He had scratches all over his body, not including the deep slashes on his front. It leaned down, and I watched its black hole of a maw open and its golden fangs glimmer. It was going in for the kill.  
Too much was happening. My brain was shutting down. The only thought my crumbling psyche could muster was _why?_  
This was supposed to be a good night. This was my _wedding._ Sure, weird things happened all the time here, but why couldn’t I have just _one fucking night?!_  
I felt my anger rising and filling my entire body. It was hot and fiery. I felt it become too much to bear until it exploded out of me.  
“ **HEY!** ” I screamed at the big hellcat as it loomed over the love of my life.  
Everyone was staring at me. [_Why were they staring at me?_](https://drive.google.com/file/d/1qejkPVQVX4AodfA2HwwIwHk5YT7ynSSu/view?usp=sharing)  
It turned and faced me. I could look at it in the eyes now. I suddenly understood that this was an eldritch God, and it wanted nothing more than to cause chaos and destruction. It came from somewhere deep in the abounding cosmos, from the furthest and deepest reaches of space. It existed where light did not. It was pure evil incarnate. It wanted us all dead and wouldn’t stop until it lapped at our lifeblood. _Not on my watch._  
My tongue burned like battery acid in my mouth. _I was so sick of this shit._  
“ **YOU ARE NOT WELCOME HERE! LEAVE NOW, SCOURGE OF NIGHT!** ”  
My words were loud and commanding. The fierce boom shook the ground. The panther god hissed at me. I took a step forward and pointed out the massive hole in the front of the gas station, stomping my foot down. The tile underneath it sizzled and cracked. I felt my hair flowing and rippling around me as if I were floating in a pool.  
“ **I SAID LEAVE, FOUL BEAST!** ”  
I felt electricity flow through me and fly from my fingers. I couldn’t tell if my feet were still on the ground. The cat let out a yowl and thundered out the front door. As it stomped away, the walls began to shake. It only took us a second before we all collectively knew what was going on.  
“EARTHQUAKE!! Shouted Rosa.  
The ground was underneath my feet again, and it was shaking violently. The power flickered off. I felt someone pull me into the back hallway. It took me a minute to realize it was Jerry, conscious again, and somehow able to move. Before we could press ourselves against the wall, the fluorescent light fixture fell from the ceiling.  
“Yoink!”  
Jerry pulled me away, both of us tumbling into the bathroom. We coughed as dust showered over me. That light fixture would’ve sliced my arm clean off if he hadn't done that.  
“You saved my life.”  
“All in a day's work, Jack honey.”  
I hoped that someone would be able to subdue Spencer and Tony.  
Through the broken bathroom door, we heard the shouting.  
“THERE THEY ARE! GET THEM!” Rosa’s voice was loud and angry.  
“GO GET EM, POCKETS!”  
I trusted that if anyone could handle it, O’Brien and Rosa could. I did what I could for Jerry’s wounds. I was able to crawl to the storage closet and grab the medkit before coming back. The bleeding was staunched for now, and the worst of his wounds were bandaged.  
Jerry slammed the door shut before the shaking stopped.  
“I think we’re safe in here for now. That was some kind of crazy what you did just now. You looked like you were possessed.”  
“Hey, Jack! Jerry?! You in there?”  
Jerry got up off the floor and moved towards the door.  
“Did you guys get him?”  
“Yeah! Ames, Benji, and I tried to take them down, but they got away. She chased them off, though! You can come out now. Is Jack alright? That was freaky.”  
“Yeah, I think he’s okay.”  
I got up and walked over. Jerry was furiously trying the handle.  
“Damn, I think it’s stuck.”  
“Great. What else could go wrong tonight?”  
“Stand back. I’m about to Bruce Lee the fuck out of this door.”  
I moved over to the corner, sitting down and pulling my knees to my chest. I felt hot tears rolling down my cheeks. I waited for the loud crack of Jerry knocking down the door. But it never came.  
“Jack?”  
I looked up and wiped my eyes. Jerry sat down next to me.  
“What is it? I think there’s a leak in here.”  
His voice was softer. “Jack… I’m sorry.”  
“No, I’m fine. It’s just I… I really like that door.”  
“I don’t think that’s it at all. But it is a pretty radical door, I’ll give you that.”  
“I just thought with all the things that go wrong here, maybe we could get one night where things didn’t go wrong? Just a little break? I was wrong, though. Things always have to get weird and bad.”  
Jerry put his hand on my face and wiped my eyes, pulling me into a tender hug.  
“But then Spencer and Tony bust in here with some big Eldritch panther God and then I go full super saiyan and god, everything just sucks so much sometimes! I thought we’d get just one night, just ONE NIGHT! One night when things wouldn’t be weird.”  
“Jack I—“  
Jerry was interrupted by the melodic twang of a violin to _La Vie En Rose_. In the dark, I couldn’t see where the sound was coming from, but I knew.  
When The Bathroom Cowboy was done, Jerry didn’t hesitate to clap.  
“Evening gents. Heard you’re having a bit of a difficulty tying the knot.”  
This was the most I’d ever heard him speak. His voice sounded like the way a new book smells.  
“Yeah… it doesn’t look like it’s gonna happen now.”  
“Spencer just had to bust in with a literal hellcat.”  
“It’d be a fine pleasure and an honor to assist ya.”  
One of the lights flickered back on, and in the dim light, I could see that the Bathroom Cowboy was dressed in full cowboy attire with a rose pinned into his hat.  
Jerry pulled me to my feet.  
“Well? It’s not _exactly_ what we had planned, but it’s special in its own way, right, Jack?”  
“Let’s do it.”  
“Jeremy, do you take Jack Townsend to be yours, now and forever, through the good and the bad and everything that may pass?”  
Short but meaningful, everything it needed to be.  
“I Scooby Dooby do.”  
“Oh my god, Jerry, seriously?”  
“Jack, do you take Jeremy Pascal to be yours, forever and always, through salt and sunshine?”  
“I do. Always.”  
“Takes two to rope a calf. Y’all can kiss the groom.”  
Jerry swept me off my foot and kissed me passionately.  
Just then, Rosa got the door open, and before either of us could thank him, The Bathroom Cowboy was gone. I felt like he knew how grateful we were, though. If we got out of all this, I made a promise to myself that I’d buy him a new hat.  
“Awh, did I miss it?”  
“Sorry Ro!” Jerry chirped.  
“I hope this kind of crap doesn’t happen at my wedding, though I have no doubt Amy could handle it.”  
Jerry looked at me.  
“Well, husband, I can’t think of a better thing to do as newlyweds.”  
“Do what?”  
“Go find Spencer and Tony and their weird panther thing and kick their asses!”  
I chuckled.  
“Honestly? I couldn’t agree more.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> credit to Mesa for the wonderful art  
> you're a queen 😍😍


	4. Jack Bites Back

Jerry took his katana from the Code Black box, kissing the blade.  
“It is an honor to fight with you again, noble steel.”  
It still had the faintest spatters of Bart’s blood on it, even after Jerry had cleaned it thoroughly. Poor guy. I took Ricardo from behind the counter. They would do little good against a seemingly unstoppable cosmic force, but it made us feel a bit better. Vanessa and O’Brien offered to come with us, but I didn’t even want Jerry to go with me. There was no way in Hell I was letting them go. I didn’t want to unnecessarily risk anyone else’s life tonight.  
We walked through the woods in the path the panther god had cut out in the brush. Branches hung down, broken and blackened. The grass was flattened entirely, and there were giant paw prints in the soft earth. Not far from where the Kieffer pit had been, we found them. The panther was poised in a pouncing stance. Spencer was standing in the middle of the clearing, and Tony was hiding behind a tree, ready to catch us off guard.  
“I left your wedding gift at your house. Looks like that’s a little unnecessary now, though.” Spencer said smugly. It was probably a bomb or a dead dog or something.  
The hulking cat let out a deep rumble. One look at Spencer’s satisfied smile made the anger boil inside me again. My body felt like a network of underground chambers, filling with hot magma. I could feel the pressure building, and it was only a matter of time before the earth gave way, and it exploded outwards.  
“Spencer, I know I may have done some shitty things to you in the past. But this? This is out of pocket; this is SO out of pocket. I just wanted one night. One fucking night. Is that too much to ask? Even from you?”  
Spencer just chuckled.  
“You don’t deserve a night of peace, Jack. You deserve to suffer.”  
I exploded. I couldn’t figure out when or how Jerry’s katana had gotten into my hands, but it did. I charged full speed at the beast and dug the blade through it. It put a deep gouge in my side as it tried in vain to swipe me away. The katana felt warm and alive in my hands and went through like a hot knife through hot butter. Everyone’s jaws wear agape as both halves fell slack to the ground. I was drenched in dark blue fluid. It smelled like blueberries.  
I knew I hadn’t killed it. I’d only sent it away for now. The halves disintegrated, and the shimmery mist floated skyward. My anger was still an intense inferno. I turned back to Spencer, his eyes still bugging out. When the words left me, they were strong and loud, and I could feel my chest reverberate. The best thing I could compare it to is the way the alligator woman spoke to us. That felt like years ago.  
“ **I’M REALLY GETTING TIRED OF YOUR SHIT SPENCER. GETTING REALLY FUCKING TIRED OF IT.**  
I turned to Tony, who had come out from behind the tree. _How was he back? How was he alive? God, did I even care?_  
“ **AND YOU! YOU WERE MY FRIEND! I TRUSTED YOU! I CRIED WHEN YOU DIED!** ”  
That was the first time I actually admitted to myself that I had, in fact, cried over Tony’s death. It was only a little, but I had. I was over it now, though. But seeing him alive stung.  
“ **I’M SICK OF PEOPLE WALKING ALL OVER ME! I’M SICK OF TAKING PEOPLE’S CRAP! THE BUCK STOPS _HERE!_** ”

I was hyperventilating. I felt the sweltering energy in my body burst outwards. Both Tony and Spencer convulsed as if they’d been struck by lightning, before falling to the ground. I screamed incoherently and angrily at their writhing bodies until they went still.  
My feet were on solid ground again. Jerry grabbed my arm, and immediately I felt the powerful rage inside me dissipate.  
“Come on, Jack, let’s go get O’Brien. It’s okay. You did it. Come on.”  
We ran to the gas station and urgently ushered O’Brien to follow us back to the clearing. When we reached it, they were gone. Part of me knew they would be. O’Brien patted my back.  
“We’ll get ‘em Hopalong. Don’t worry about it.”  
I nodded. Jerry slid his pack of cigarettes out of his shredded jacket pocket and lit it. I had no energy left to chastise him, and truthfully I had no right to. My throat stung, and then I threw up all over myself. Everything began to get fuzzy, and I felt my body weaken and collapse. _How much blood had I lost?_ I woke up in the back of my car under a packing blanket. I was shirtless, I'd been cleaned up, and my torso was wrapped with cotton bandages. I sat up. A wave of vertigo hit me, and I fell back down. After multiple attempts, I was able to sit up and stay up.  
Rosa, Benji, and Vanessa were trying to clean up what they could and stuff it into contractor bags. O’Brien was having a heated conversation on the store phone. I’d come to find out later that despite the situation, she still paid for the call. That was Amy for you.  
Jerry was sitting on the curb in front of the destroyed gas station, a half-smoked cigarette between his lips, a whiskey bottle in his hands. After getting to my feet and wobbling a bit, I walked over and sat next to him. He offered me the bottle, and I took a long swig.  
“Some wedding, huh?” I muttered.  
“Well, it is what it is.”  
I felt anger rising again in me, but it wasn’t the red-hot fury I felt earlier. I stood up.  
“No. It’s not. It shouldn't have to be.”  
He looked up at me. I raised my voice. I was so tired of things getting out of control like this. So fucking tired. I wasn’t letting this one go. No sir.  
“We deserve an actual wedding. Certainly better than this. But also just better. We… we can have it in my backyard. We can invite more people.”  
Jerry’s eyes were shining. I don’t know if he was drunk or just overwhelmed by my idea. Later, he would tell me he was just so enchanted by my righteous passion.  
“You’re right. You’re totally right. Let’s do it!”  
Jerry stood up.  
‘Hey, Rosa! Would you like to plan an actual wedding? I’ll pay you.”  
Rosa turned toward us.  
“I’d need a few weeks to plan it. And some help.”  
She looked at Vanessa, and Vanessa grinned at her.  
“But sure!”  
Jerry nodded, and right about that time, the black vans rolled in. I figured they would soon enough. I was surprised they hadn’t come before they did. They were getting a little too sloppy for my tastes. Like last time, the agents in hazmat suits came out with guns and gas masks, led by a man in a suit and tie and sunglasses.  
“Goddamn! It surprises me more and more every time I see you alive, Jack.”  
“Hi, Agent Roscoe. How’ve you been? Where’s your partner?”  
He seemed surprised at my genuine inquiry into his wellbeing.  
“Busy. Always busy. We both are. I’m not at liberty to say much, but there was an anomaly sighted in one of the eastern mountain ranges, and he’s out locating it. Care to tell me what the hell happened here?”  
Jerry answered before I could.  
“Jack and I were in the process of getting married when we were interrupted by two idiots on a space panther. We were able to chase them away and the panther… disappeared. Like turned into mist.”  
I think Jerry’s explanation was right on the money. I didn’t feel like telling Brick Roscoe about the strange power I wielded tonight— that I was able to command a literal cosmic God —was the best idea. He nodded, a look of sympathy on his face I had never seen before.  
“We’ll take care of this mess. Consider it a wedding gift. You should all go home and get some rest and let us do our jobs.”  
I smiled before nodding and looking inside.  
“You heard the man. Let’s go.”  
Jerry and I were the last to leave. I had to catch Agent Roscoe one more time. I had something to ask. When he was done having a fight with someone over a walkie talkie, I approached.  
“Hey, Brick?”  
He turned towards me. Before he could ask me what I was still doing here, I cut him off.  
“Jerry and I are gonna have a better wedding in a little while. Maybe a month. I wouldn’t know where to send you and the other Brick a formal invite, and you both just seem to know the when and where of things without my help. So I figured I’d personally invite the both of you now. It’s probably gonna be at my place.”  
I genuinely wanted them to come, but I also knew I’d feel a bit safer as far as any errant wedding crashers with the two of them there. I saw a grin spread across Jerry’s face in my periphery.  
Agent Roscoe looked genuinely stunned for a moment. But then he smiled.  
I hadn’t expected him to say outright yes, and I was right about that. But his real smile and answer of “I’ll see what we can do” made me very confident that we’d see them there anyway.

*******

I watched the rain race down the windows as Jerry drove us home. It was raining, but there wasn't a cloud in sight. The moon was full and bright. I don’t know if anyone had ever coined a name for this sort of phenomenon. Maybe the Devil’s wife was giving him a taste of his own medicine. That would be a fitting end to this night, I think. _Kick his ass, girl._  
Jerry smoked a joint out the window. Any other time I would’ve yelled at him for being this irresponsible, but we’d both had one hell of a night. As long as he didn’t crash the car or get us pulled over, I’d let it go. As we rode, a thought occurred to me. Before I knew it, I was laughing. I laughed so hard that tears squeezed out of my eyes. Jerry chuckled.  
“What is it? What’s so funny?”  
Maybe it was the stress of the night. Maybe it was a second-hand high. But I just couldn’t stop laughing. In retrospect, it wasn’t that funny, but I was howling with laughter.  
“He said ‘I’ll see,’ but he can’t see! He’s blind, Jerry!”  
He let out a loud cackle, and pretty soon, we were both lost in hysterical laughter. Jerry swerved off the road, and I quickly reached out and steadied the wheel. I wiped the laughter tears from my eyes.  
“Okay, I think I should drive the rest of the way home.”  
“Yeah, that might be best.” 


	5. A Big and Beautiful Wedding (And Just What Jack Wanted)

It took Rosa a little over a month to do everything. With Jerry’s funds and her and Vanessa’s combined vision, it was bound to be remarkable. On the morning of the wedding, Rosa had put blackout curtains over the windows facing into the backyard. Jerry woke me that morning— after my usual two hours of sleep —to breakfast. Jerry was a fantastic cook. He could honestly make tires taste good if he wanted to. I smiled and told Jerry good morning as I sat up in bed. He sat the tray on my lap and put a mug of coffee in my hand. It was the mug he got me for my most recent birthday. Printed on it in big, black letters was “world’s smallest cock” and on the inside— when you drank all the coffee —was a tiny ceramic rooster. There were hashbrowns, a buttermilk biscuit, a few slices of cantaloupe, and… something quite interesting that I’d never seen before. It looked like sunny side up eggs inside of pepper slices, with flakes of some sort of spice on it.  
“Jerry, what are these? Did you invent this?”  
“While I’d love to take credit, I found a recipe for this online. Figured I’d shake it up a bit for pre-wedding breakfast.”  
I kissed his cheek.  
“You’re so sweet. C’mere, I can’t eat all this by myself.”  
Jerry climbed in bed, and we shared the breakfast he’d made. I’d feed him bites every so often. After that, he carried me to the bathroom. I leaned against the wall and took off my leg as Jerry began to run a bath. Once it was halfway full, I watched him pour in a couple capfuls of lavender bubble bath. When it was full, Jerry stripped out of his pajamas and slid into the water. Steam curled off of its surface and rose towards the ceiling. I put my weight against the wall and made my way over. I slipped in the bath with him, and he slowly wrapped his arms around my waist. Jerry kissed my neck softly, and I felt his hands running up and down my sides and then down my front. I lost myself in it as Jerry began to touch me.

*******

When that was over, Jerry and I kissed as we came down with his hands still running up and down my thighs. After that, we bathed like we’d initially intended. I sat between Jerry’s legs as he gently washed my hair and back. Every so often, he would press soft kisses to the nape of my neck. When he was done, he scratched my back in the way he knew I liked.  
“Ahhhh that’s the spot.”  
“You’re so damn adorable Jack-In-The-Box.”  
After we were both clean, Jerry got out and dried off.  
“You want me to paint your toenails again?” Jerry asked as he lifted me gently out of the tub.  
“I feel like you want to.”  
“But do you want me too?”  
“If it’ll make you happy, go for it.”  
He dried me off and brushed out my hair as I refastened my leg.  
“You should let me put some of this on your face.”  
Jerry gestured to his various skincare products.  
“You trying to say my face is gross?”  
“No no I’m sorry I—”  
I grabbed his hand.  
“Jerry, honey, chill, it was a joke. You definitely can wash my face.”  
He took several different face washes in blue and green bottles and washed my face with each, respectively. His hands on my face were pleasing in a way I can’t fully describe. After my face was rinsed, he pulled out face masks for us to do.  
We looked like teenage girls, sitting in my living room with bathrobes and facemasks on, as Jerry worked on my toenails. Jerry had some bubblegum pop song playing in the background— I think it was Marina and the Diamonds —and Golden Girls was on TV. We could hear things going on in the backyard but didn’t dare peek, lest we incur Rosa’s wrath. Once that was done, we peeled off the face masks. It was a lot more fun peeling it off than putting it on. I missed spots, and Jerry was peeling little bits of facemask off my face every so often for the next hour.  
We rinsed our faces and brushed our teeth. Jerry finally shaved the beard he’d been working on, and the relief I felt watching it come off was euphoric. Once he was trimmed up, I popped a nice one right on his mouth.  
While Jerry trimmed other areas, I made sure everything was in order as far as our suits. They’d been hanging in the closet for a few days, patched up, clean, and starched. Jerry had offered to get us new ones, but they weren’t past the point of repair, and I felt as if it were the principle of the thing. He’d even got his tiara fixed.  
As I pondered over the suits, my mind began to shift.  
We’d sent out invitations this time. My foster siblings had actually RSVPed. I was sure the Roscoes would show up. Jerry had insisted we invite Travis (who, like Vanessa, was brought back to us due to the reset). I tried to argue with him over it, but eventually, he won. Jerry had personally delivered an invitation to both Lucy and [her pretty Dutch girlfriend](https://instagram.com/annouks_art?igshid=95sov2vrckt6). We’d all gone shoe shopping together.  
We’d also sent two invitations to two other friends. Without saying too much, we had two more guests who called themselves Carin and Lora. Dark hair, piercing blue eyes, and matching red dresses. We knew their real names, but it was safer for everyone if we left them unsaid. If the Roscoes recognized them, I felt I knew enough about how they worked from the speech Blind Brick gave me after the Mayfly Incident that they would… well… turn a blind eye to it. Combined with Rosa, Vanessa, Vanessa’s girlfriend, Benji, and O’Brien, that was our guest list. It was a bit bigger, but it still felt small enough to be comfortable. Jerry made sure that the invitations looked… well, like us. They had detailed etchings of periwinkles and sunflowers on them, but the lettering was Comic Sans. I knew I’d made a mistake when I let Jerry handle them.  
Jerry came in and stood beside me. I turned and looked at him.  
“We’ve got several hours to kill before we need to get ready. What do you wanna do?”  
“We could go watch a couple movies, pop some popcorn… cuddle.”  
He grinned.  
“How could I refuse?”  
Jerry and I spent the next four hours watching movies and cuddling on the couch. Jerry went up to “use the bathroom” and didn’t come back for nearly an hour and a half. I figured he’d lit one up and couldn’t figure out how doorknobs worked again. When Jerry came back, he apologized for being gone so long, explaining that he was trying to find where he’d out his weed so we could smoke some later tonight. I didn’t really buy it, but I didn’t question him on it.  
It didn’t make me particularly nervous until Jerry told me that we had to get ready in the guest room, and he’d moved our suits in there.  
“Jerry, what did you do?”  
Jerry focused hard on his dress shirt buttons.  
“Nothing, it's just uh… it smells like weed really bad in there. I don’t want it to cling to our tuxedos.”  
I sighed. If that was the actual case, I appreciated it. I tied the laces of my dress shoes as Jerry fixed his eyeliner.  
“I bet we won’t even recognize the backyard.”  
“Knowing Rosa, you’re probably right.”  
I sprayed some cologne on my neck, and Jerry did the same. When we were all dressed up, we took a moment to admire each other.  
“Are you nervous this time around?”  
I considered his question for a moment.  
“I’m nervous about the vows I wrote out sucking. I’m nervous about our ceremony being interrupted again. But nervous about marrying you? Not in the slightest. Even though we’re technically already married and this is just a formality.”  
He beamed.  
“You’re so cute when you get technical about things, Jack.”  
I rolled my eyes.  
“Well, you’re cute always.”  
He laughed, and arm in arm, we went to the back door. Jerry knocked loudly like Rosa asked him to, and she opened the door.  
“Don’t let him peek!” Rosa squealed.  
Jerry went outside and shut the door behind him. I tried to get a good look at the backyard, but Jerry was quick enough to offer me little more than a glance. Soon enough, Rosa opened the door again for me.  
The backyard had been transformed. A long white silk rug ran up the front, and purple chairs were placed on either side. There were flower arrangements of various blue, purple, and yellow flowers that I didn’t know the names of all around. Fairy lights had been woven into the trees and bushes. Once again, they’d incorporated the gnomes into the decor. Rosa and Vanessa had truly gone above and beyond.  
Rita, in all her green glowy glory, was the ringbearer. My foster sister’s young daughter had taken the role of our flower girl. Madeline was standing there in her little pink dress and pigtails, looking up at me with her gap-toothed smile.  
“You follow me!”  
I nodded and followed behind her as she diligently spread her flower petals. Once I got to the little podium Rosa stood behind, I took my position across from Jerry. They were all here. Even the Roscoes had shown up. Looking through the small crowd of people, I saw two figures standing at the back. One had tired eyes and a weathered smile and was wearing a sheriff’s deputy uniform. The other had long golden hair, big green eyes, pale freckled skin, and a purple sundress. I felt tears sting my eyes, and a lump form in my throat. _Had they really come here for me?_  
“Are you okay, dude?” Jerry whispered to me.  
I quickly wiped my eyes and nodded.  
“Dearly beloved,” Rosa began, “we are gathered here tonight to marry these two lovebirds under the evening sky.”  
I took Jerry’s hands and squeezed them. This was where we got interrupted last time. I looked out at the people— our friends —sitting in the chairs, watching. Agent Roscoe (the one with eyes) winked at me.  
“If anyone should have any objections to this union, speak now or forever hold your peace.”  
This next part she said in her perfect fake-cheery customer service voice.  
“Unless your name is Spencer Middleton, then you’ll have to submit your complaint in writing, and a representative will get back to you within 30 days.”  
That earned a laugh from everyone. Rosa waited barely two seconds before continuing.  
“Now they’ve both written their own vows, and Jerry agreed to start. Take it away, Jerbear.”  
He winked at her before fishing a few notecards out of his suit pocket. They’d been doodled all over.  
“Friends, family, enemies, frenemies, ladies…”  
I watched him throw a wink at Vanessa, and she chuckled softly and rolled her eyes.  
“Gentlemen…”  
He turned back to me and gave me a saucy wink as well. I felt my cheeks flush.  
“I’d like to take a moment to explain a mathematical concept to you. I’m sure you’re all familiar with it.”  
 _Oh god_ , I thought, _here we go._  
“Way way back, before that dude named Jesus supposedly lived and died, there was a funky looking guy named Archimedes of Syracuse. He was considered one of the best mathematicians of the ancient world. He formally calculated the mathematical concept known as pi. Pi has been around for millennia. As long as humans have been alive. So, a long fucking time. Yet pi is what we call an ‘infinite decimal.’ It’s a mathematical constant represented by a decimal that cannot and will not end or show a repeating sequence. Ever since its discovery, we’ve calculated more and more of it. As of now, pi has been calculated to 31.4 trillion decimal places, and there’s still no end in sight to it.”  
I scratched my head. He was really pulling another “Vanessa’s funeral.”  
 _Where was he going with this?_  
“Even the world’s most advanced supercomputers haven’t computed it in its entirety. Even if there were to somehow be an end, it hasn’t been calculated or reached and will likely never be calculated or reached. So why, you may ask, am I bringing this concept up to you in my wedding vows? Simple.”  
He focused his gaze on me. It was full of adoration.  
“Jack. My love for you is as infinite as pi.”  
It hit me like walking into a brick wall. I felt the tears slide down my face, though I tried desperately to hide them. I sniffled, and Jerry squeezed my hand, pulling it to his mouth and pressing a gentle kiss there.  
“Ever since I saw you standing behind that register in your too-big hoodie with a book in your hand, I knew you were the one. I love you now, and I’ll love you forever. ”  
“Jerry…”  
Rosa was sniffling. Everyone was deeply moved by Jerry’s brilliance, and l was trying desperately to stay composed. _How could I match that?_ I took a deep, shaky breath and pulled the notecards from my pocket. _Fuck._ They were in the wrong order.  
I laughed nervously as I shuffled them into the right order.  
“I wouldn’t trade— _dammit_ , that’s not right hold on.”  
I felt my breathing quicken. _This is not going well._  
“Shit shit shit,” I muttered under my breath. _Was I missing notecards?_  
Jerry placed a hand on my shoulder.  
“Calm down, Jackrabbit. It’s okay. Take your time.”  
Jerry stared at me, nothing but love in his river blue eyes.  
I took a long, deep breath, and with his reassurance, quickly got my notecards in order.  
“This may suck because I’ve never been good at the gooey stuff. But I wanted to try for you, Jerry. For a long time now, you’ve been a constant presence in my life. First, as an annoyance, then as an unlikely savior, then as a friend, then as a best friend, and finally a lover. You just moved so easily through those roles. Being with you has always felt so natural. Even when we weren’t that close yet, your absence was unsettling.”  
I fiddled with my hands nervously but forged on.  
“I don’t know what I’d do without you. You really light up the otherwise gloom that is my life. You’re funny, you’re brilliant, and you’re so sweet. I couldn’t have gotten to where I am now without you. I wouldn’t trade anything in the world for your love. Not even every book ever written.”  
I was going strong now.  
“You’re the sun to my moon. I need you in my life. I’ve needed you ever since that awkward moment we played video games at the gas station. When you didn’t laugh at how weird I was trying to tell you I didn’t believe all those awful rumors. I love you, Jerry. I’ll never stop.”  
Maybe they weren’t perfect. But that was okay. By the tears streaming down Jerry's cheeks, I could tell my words had done their job. He squeezed my hand tightly.  
We exchanged rings, and Rita was a very cooperative ringbearer. Then came the last part.  
Rosa wiped her eyes with a tissue and took a swallow from her water bottle.  
“Do you, Jerry Pascal, take Jack Townsend to be your lawfully wedded husband?”  
“I said it once, and I’ll say it again—” Jerry paused to wipe his eyes and sniffle, “—I Scooby Dooby do.”  
That earned a laugh from everyone, even our ghostly guests in the back.  
“And do you, Jack Townsend, take Jerry Pascal to be your lawfully wedded husband?”  
I looked out at our guests for a moment. Everyone was smiling. In the back, I saw tears running down Sabine’s cheeks. But there was a genuine smile on her face, and she was nodding. Tom had his hat off and a proud smile on his face. I looked back at Jerry.  
“Nothing would make me happier.”  
Fresh tears trickled down Jerry’s face.  
“By the power vested in me by the Internet, I now pronounce you husband and husband. You may now kiss the groom!”  
Before I could even think, Jerry swept me off my foot and gave me a long, passionate kiss. Vanessa snapped a picture.  
When we broke away, Rosa loudly declared, “I now present to you, Jack and Jerry Townsend!”  
I couldn’t help the joyful laugh that escaped me hearing his first name and my last name together. As we all helped change the backyard from a wedding space to a reception space, the fireflies started to come out. It was an unseasonably warm night for March, but still a little too early for them to just be showing up like that. It felt magical— like they had come out just for us. Rosa brought the food she hid away in the fridge in our garage— she and her mom and sisters had worked for the last three days cooking for the wedding. All it needed was heating up —and we all ate like kings at the nice purple tables we had set out. There was a bouquet of flowers on each table and a tiny sculpture of a gnome, a handplant, or a raccoon. There were about three tables, so it worked. When we were all nearly full, Rosa brought out the cake. It was dark blue with yellow sugar flowers and little books made of fondant adorning the three layers. And of course, it was coffee-flavored— cappuccino and vanilla cream, to be exact. At the top was a topper that Rosa had— along with the little statues for the tables —painstakingly handmade. She had an insane talent for this kind of thing, and I had full intention to tell her when I could get a minute alone with her. It was a tiny Jerry and I, clad in our respective black and white tuxes. I was sitting on a stool, trying to read a book, obviously annoyed. Jerry was standing next to me with his elbow on my shoulder, grinning down at me. It was wonderful.  
She brought out a cake knife and offered it to Jerry before waving over Vanessa so she could take pictures/video it. Jerry placed the knife in my hands and put his hands over mine, and together we cut a slice from the cake, setting it on a little paper plate. Before I could even grab a spoon, Jerry took some of it in his hands and smashed it into my face. Everyone laughed, and I paid him back in kind by smashing the entire slice into his face. After many laughs, several napkins, and another piece of cake (which we fed to each other), we sliced up the rest of the cake. Everyone had several pieces. It was _phenomenal._  
As Rosa went to shuffle the music she’d had playing on her phone— which was connected to an aux and two speakers —I gently tapped her shoulder.  
“Huh?”  
“Hey, Rosa?”  
“Yeah?”  
“I just wanted to thank you for all this. Especially the little statues. I know you made those, and holy crap, they’re incredible. You really did an amazing job, and I— we appreciate it more than you’ll ever know. This whole thing is just a masterpiece.”  
She beamed.  
“Thank you, Jack. That means a lot.”  
I nodded. I’d extend my gratitude to Vanessa when I got a moment alone with her.  
“Now, this is the song you’re having your first dance to, right?”  
I looked at her phone and nodded. We’d debated on a few songs, _La Vie En Rose_ included, but eventually, we decided on [something else.](https://youtu.be/KW9nDm1ui9g) Lovely as it was, that song was a bit beaten to death for me anyway.  
Rosa announced in her attention-grabbing but still sweet voice that Jerry and I were about to have our first dance. The fireflies were in full swing now, lighting up the air with their happy flickers.  
Jerry took my hand and led me onto the wooden pallets Rosa and O’Brien had painted white, and we laid out as a dance floor. I put my hands on his shoulders, and he put his hands on my hips. I gazed into his adoring eyes. I felt a warmth deep in my core spreading outwards.  
The music started, and I already felt ten pounds lighter. Jerry began to gently sway us to the music.  
 _Good for nothing is the name they’ll remember me by_  
As we glided around our makeshift wooden dance floor, I thought about how I’d felt my life was meaningless. Ever since I’d lost Sabine, I felt as if I had no purpose. No one would be there to mourn me at what I assumed was my fast-approaching funeral. No one would miss me or cry at my grave when I was gone.  
 _Done nothing with my life for no one, I’m just waiting to die_  
 _I turned my back on the world, you know I’d given up on living till I met you, girl_  
I’d accepted my death early on and, in some ways, just wanted it over with already. Some days it felt like I could’ve counted down the days if I had a calendar/an accurate time frame. I’d really had nothing to live for anyway. The only friend I’d ever had up until then ended up trying to murder me.  
 _Then you came into my life with ‘come hither’ in your eyes_  
Jerry kissed my cheek and brought me back to the present. I laid my head on his shoulder as he gently twirled us around. I thought about him when I first began to know him. His grass-stained pants and his big puppy dog eyes. Eyes that gave off an air of just wanting to help. I see now that he wanted to help me. It was a look of genuine care and concern. Maybe even love. I’d given him that same look the night on the bus when we destroyed the Russian Radio. I’ll always wonder what would have happened [if I had just gone for it and kissed him then.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25837954/chapters/62771404)  
 _Pulling me up out of the grave, oh what a nice surprise_  
An odd memory unburied itself from the fog of my brain in that moment. Jerry's strong arms underneath me, lifting me out of the hole in the floor of the weird gas station room. Out of all the things that have happened to me in my life up to this point, Jerry is probably the biggest shock. He pulled me out of the darkness I’d found myself in, both figuratively and literally.  
“Are you alright?” Jerry whispered.  
“Yeah, just thinking about all the reasons I love you.”  
He let out a dumb little giggle before pressing a soft kiss to my lips, then just behind my ear. He knew I loved kisses there. He knew _so much_ about me, stuff no one else did or would ever know.  
 _I die when our nights end, but I only stay dead till I see you again_  
Whenever Jerry walked into the gas station, or into the room, or I could hear his voice, or he was close at all, every color seemed to be a little brighter. It was a breath of life and light. His presence was an instant mood boost for me. I wrapped my arms around Jerry as we danced.  
“There’s nowhere in the world I’d rather be right now.”  
Jerry ran his hands up and down my back.  
 _I lie awake in the night just to see another dawn_  
 _Used to be the sun was my weakness, but them days are gone_  
On nights before Jerry moved in, when I tried laying down and at least resting my constantly sore eyes, it was like torture. Lying there and doing nothing when I could be reading or cleaning or at least doing _something._ But with Jerry here now, it was much different. Laying in bed next to him, head on his chest, listening to the steady thump of his heart, and his snoring was bliss at its finest. The hours ticked by like minutes when I wasn’t getting the hour or two of sleep that I could manage every night. I’d watch the morning light crawl across the floor, content to lay there forever.  
 _I feel your lips on mine_  
Jerry caressed my face and pressed his lips to mine gently before giving me a little twirl.  
His kisses were always so warm and genuine, no matter the context.  
 _Oh won’t you meet me by the river baby one more time_  
Ever since the reset, Jerry and I had spent more time at the creek. Not only did he really enjoy picnicking and getting high together out there, but we often ended up at the one-lane bridge. You could probably draw some sort of deep psychological meaning or symbolism from that, but I just think it’s a perfect place to kiss— shady and quiet, with only the sounds of the running water and the birds.  
 _I’ll give you what you wanna have, I’ll take you where you wanna go_  
Jerry did a lot for me. Probably more than anyone ever had. Though sometimes a little misguided or messy ( _cough_ Bedside Manor _cough_ ), his heart was always in the right place. I never liked to ask people for things as far as money goes, and I honestly felt guilty when Jerry even bought us groceries. But his generosity was incredibly valued. Besides, it was usually out of Jerry’s control when things went awry and certainly not his fault.  
 _I’m the only man you’ll ever need, girl, and now you know_  
Jerry swayed us back and forth, lining up our steps. He was my soulmate, I was sure of it. I hadn’t believed in love that true or that deep until I met him. I felt it with Sabine, but she was very jaded on the ideas of true love’s kiss and soulmates.  
 _I’ll write your name on my skin, as a promise that we'll never be apart again_  
The day we started dating, Jerry went out and got a tattoo on his arm, just below his shoulder's curve. That was classic Jerry, making rash decisions. It was an open book, with a heart in it, Below it, in curly letters, was my name. I’d trace it with my finger every night as we laid in the dark, sleeping or doing whatever else.  
 _I feel alive when I’m with you, baby_  
 _So tell me that I won’t ever be lonely again_  
Jerry would often spend entire nights just sitting behind the counter with me, keeping me company. Those nights were really the epitome of peaceful happiness for me— a good book, rain outside, and Jerry’s jokes and hand in mine.  
 _Don’t wanna die, I wanna wander the world with you_  
 _And no one else for the rest of my days on this earth_  
Knowing now that I had my whole life ahead of me, so many things changed. I wanted to go places, see things, have a family. Jerry would listen to me late at night after we both got into the _brownies_ he kept in the fridge. I’d ramble about all the things I wanted to do now, and he’d always hype me up. That was Jerry for you.  
 _I turned my back on the world_  
 _I wasn’t always like this, girl_  
Jerry brought me out of my comfort zone. Everything that happened to me, I could deal with as long as I had Jerry by my side. He was my rock. I hadn’t had that since I lost Sabine. I had been sinking, just slowly. But not anymore, thanks to Jerry.  
 _Do you know what loneliness does to a man_  
 _Turn him into the walking dead_  
Jerry was busy pressing soft kisses to the side of my face as we danced. Just thinking about his arms wrapped around me, and my head nestled into the crook of my neck made a warm and bright feeling build in my chest.  
 _I may have died, but your loving raised me, hey_  
A foggy glimpse of Jerry crying and soft lips on mine untangled itself from my rubber band ball of a memory. My lips were cold. I was cold. _Where had that come from?_  
I shook my head like I was trying to shake dust out of my hair.  
“You alright?”  
I nodded and let him twirl me again, stuffing that weird memory back in the vault.  
 _I feel alive when I’m with you, baby_  
 _So tell me that I won’t ever be lonely again_  
I pulled my arms tighter around Jerry, and he placed a soft kiss on my forehead. There was no one else around. At this moment, it was just us. Just me and Jerry. We stared into each other’s eyes, strangers to everyone else.  
“Your eyes are the prettiest shade of green I’ve ever seen.”  
“Speak for yourself, Mr. Blonde Hair Blue Eyes.”  
 _You saved my life I just wanna repay you in kind_  
I seriously couldn’t count the number of times Jerry had saved my skin. Despite that, I didn’t feel like a burden on him. I knew Jerry knew that I could protect myself. He just wanted to help, because he cared about me.  
 _Ain’t no one else ever tell you you’re beautiful?_  
Jerry had the kind of beauty that came from inside and leaked outwards. He was definitely attractive. But his kindness and personality are what truly made him beautiful beyond comparison. I knew it was coupled with the things I didn’t tell him nearly enough, but he knew. It was in every hug and every kiss. Every night I’d let him lay his head on my chest and fall asleep as I read. Every time I’d absentmindedly play with his hair. Every time I held his hand during the entirety of a long car trip.  
 _I feel alive when I’m with you, baby_  
 _So tell me that I won’t ever be lonely again_  
 _Don’t wanna die, I wanna wander the world with you_  
 _And no one else for the rest of my days on this earth_  
Jerry gently dipped me and pulled me back up into a gentle kiss as the music finished out.  
Everyone clapped, and then with that kicked off a night full of drinking and fun. Pretty soon, I felt like I was floating. On my way over to Jerry, who was busy telling bad jokes to Lucy and Vanessa and their respective girlfriends, Carin caught me by the arm. Before she could say anything, I cut her off.  
“I just wanted to thank you for coming. I know you said that we wouldn’t talk again. This was seriously an unnecessary risk, and I appreciate it more than I could ever express to you. You’re a true friend.”  
She smiled, looking into me with her stark blue eyes.  
“I appreciate your appreciation. But we have to go. We’re already packed up. I just wanted to extend our congratulations to you personally. You know what to do. Your headstarts always help.”  
She pressed a small box into my hand and nodded at me before hurrying off out the gate with her dark-haired companion. I stuffed it into my jacket pocket.  
Before I even had time to think about what I should do next, Rosa was tugging at my shoulder.  
“Jack Jack Jack,” she gushed, “you’ve gotta throw the gnome!”  
I could tell she was moderately drunk, but was this just inebriated nonsense, or was she going somewhere with this?  
“Huh? Rosa, I don’t know what that means.”  
She pressed one of the small gnome statues into my hand. This was one I hadn’t seen before. It was a girl, and it was holding a bouquet.  
 _Ohhhh._  
“Won’t it hurt someone if it hits them?”  
She shook her head and laughed.  
“I made this one out of balsa wood. It’ll be fine.”  
I had no reason to not indulge Rosa. She had made this, after all.  
Rosa gathered everyone and let me throw it. To everyone’s surprise, Benji was the one that caught it. The little gnome landed right in his hand as if it were meant to be there.  
We all teased him about it for the rest of the night.  
I caught Vanessa filling her wine glass again by a particularly shiny tree. The fairy lights were even color coordinated to match.  
“Van, this is all so much. You really did a lot for us, helping set all this up. I can’t thank you enough and I’m sure it means the whole world to Jerry.”  
She grinned and patted me on the back.  
“You’re one cool cat, you know that Jack?”  
I returned her smile as I saw Jerry coming over with Lucy in my peripheral version.

*******

Everyone raised their glass to us, but it’s hard to recall every word of their speeches verbatim when you have a brain like mine. The point is, I’d never felt so much love for Jerry and me in one place before. I found myself in tears several times.  
It truly was the night I had wanted. 


	6. Husbands.

Sometime around midnight, as everyone began to leave, Jerry pulled me aside.  
“Lucy said she wants to take us to brunch tomorrow, are you down?”  
I let out a loud laugh.  
“Are we brunch husbands now?”  
“That depends on your answer.”  
“Sure, why not?”  
He grinned wide.  
“Husbands, huh?”  
“Husbands.”  
“I’m never gonna get tired of that.”  
He was staring into my eyes now. Rosa had left some slow Arctic Monkeys song to play. Jerry pulled me close, pressing a soft kiss to my neck, and gently moved us both to the music.  
[_If you like your coffee hot, let me be your coffee pot_](https://youtu.be/nyuo9-OjNNg)  
“Neither am I.”  
He hovered his lips just over my ear and hummed softly.  
“Do you wanna go find somewhere a little more private, husband?”  
“I can’t think of anything in the world I’d want to do more right now.”  
The air between us was steamy and tense. I let Jerry lead me to the back door. He threw a quick wave to Rosa, and she nodded and winked. When I walked in, Jerry following behind, it took me a minute to process the trail of rose petals that led down the hall, all the way to the bedroom. _Had Jerry done this?_  
“Jerry… did you…”  
Instead of responding, he kissed my forehead and nudged me along. When we got to the bedroom, he stopped me.  
“Let me just do one thing, one second.”  
Before I could protest, he’d slipped inside as easy as he could without giving me any indication of what it was he'd done to our bedroom. I had my suspicions, though. I heard the clicking of a lighter. For once, I knew he wasn’t lighting up a joint or a cigarette.  
He came back out.  
“Now c'mere. I gotta carry you over the threshold.”  
I chuckled.  
“Wish you’d take me over the threshold of something else.”  
Jerry let out a low, sexy laugh. _God, he was so sexy._  
“You’re drunk, aren’t you?”  
“Maybe a little.”  
Jerry lifted me off my feet into a bridal carry and opened the door. Our bedroom was truly a sight to behold. Jerry had set up a plethora of red and white candles. The bed had new, clean red sheets. The flower trail led to the bed where there was a heart made out of rose petals. Fairy lights adorned the ceiling. On the nightstand were chocolate-covered strawberries, a bottle of champagne, and two glasses. He’d also left some sort of love incense burning. He clicked off the lights before gently sitting me down. The fairy lights and candles provided a soft, ambient glow to everything.  
“Jerry… this is incredible. Did you put this together?”  
He nodded. I turned around and kissed him full on. He kissed back, sliding his hands under my jacket and dress shirt.  
I pulled my arms out of the sleeves and let the jacket fall to the floor while Jerry pulled his hands out and worked at the buttons on my dress shirt.  
“I love you so much,” I whispered against his lips.  
“I love you more.” He whispered back.  
“I love you ad infinitum.”  
“I love you pi times Graham’s number.”  
“I hate when you use math against me like that.”  
“So shut me up then.”  
I kissed him hard, and we got our shoes off, adding them to the growing pile of clothes on the floor. Jerry had lost his jacket before we ever came up here, and I was quickly undoing his shirt buttons. He got my dress pants off, and I fumbled with his belt before getting his pants off as well. We scrambled to get the under layers off. Once they were gone, we just stood there for a moment, drinking each other in.  
Jerry ran his hand up my chest slowly. I let him pull me close and place hot kisses down my neck to my collarbone. I felt like I was floating as he pulled me to the bed. He pressed our foreheads together, and I lost myself in his ocean eyes. They were so full of love and desire. This look from him had never before been so intense. I felt my insides melting. We stayed like that, just enjoying a moment of such closeness and no awkwardness. We didn’t have to say anything because the other already knew everything there was to know.  
Then Jerry kissed me and leaned back onto the bed, taking me with him. His tongue was warm and tasted like expensive wine and cheap cigarettes. I felt his hands wander over my body. After carefully taking off my prosthetic, he gently ran his fingers up to the one spot on my thigh that he knew drove me wild. I let out a soft gasp against his lips. He bit my lower one gently as he pulled away.  
“Every inch of you is beautiful. Who told you that you could be this beautiful?”  
“The fact that you think I’m so beautiful shows what a wonderful person you are. You see the best in people, Jerry.”  
He stared into my eyes, captured by my words.  
“You’re the best kind of person, Jerry. Truly. You’ve been through so much, yet you’re constantly a radiating source of joy and kindness. You make the world brighter wherever you go. You’re the North Star in a sky full of darkness.”  
As he stared at me, I drank in as much of him as I could. The art painted all over his body. The tears slowly forming in his eyes and trailing down his cheeks to land on my wrists. I watched the visible thump of his heart, and I traced the network of blue veins lying just beneath the skin of his chest. The curve of his shoulders and the broad of his hips and the steady rhythm of his breathing. His beauty was so poignant and so dizzying.  
“I don’t think I’ll ever be able to express…”  
He took a moment to wipe his eyes, but the tears kept coming.  
“... just how much you mean to me and how much I love you.”  
I pressed our foreheads together, and Jerry connected our lips again. He gently flipped us over, so I was underneath, and I let out soft sighs as he left dark love bites at the base of my neck. I bit my lip, but not soon enough to keep several soft moans from escaping me as Jerry began to gently stroke me. As I moaned softly into the crook of his neck and slid my hand down his front, returning the favor, it felt like the room got fifteen degrees hotter. I couldn’t tell you then, and I certainly couldn’t tell you now how long we stayed like this. We’d stop because Jerry would start laughing at a noise I made or something else, and I’d start laughing too. Sometimes we’d stop, so I could reiterate the fact that I was so desperately and deeply in love with him. It wasn’t about reaching the finish line; it was about running the race. The only sense of time I had was the moonlight creeping across the floor.  
Eventually, we reached a point where both of our necks were covered in dark love marks, and neither of us could stand to wait any longer. Jerry grabbed the lavender-scented lube he’d left beside the bed and uncapped it. I ran my hands up and down his sides, pressing kisses all over his shoulder as he spread a generous handful on me.  
I let out a soft laugh and shivered a bit.  
“That’s cold, Jer.”  
“Well, allow me to warm you up.”  
I let out a quiet whine as he pushed in his fingers slowly. It felt just a tad uncomfortable at first, but I was more than used to this by now. My body began to heat up, and I started sweating more than I already had been. Jerry kneaded his fingers in deeper, and I let my gaze drift before closing my eyes and biting my lip. He knew all the right spots. He knew so many things about me, including precisely what made me come undone in the sheets. He brushed the hair out of my eyes and kissed softly just above my eyebrows.  
“Have I ever told you how cute your eyebrows are?”  
“Jerry, no oh my god, they look like caterpillars.”  
“Caterpillars are cute. Therefore, your eyebrows are cute.”  
“Mmm, just… just keep going. Please…”  
He spread my legs, and I quickly grabbed his other hand, interlocking our fingers. I tangled my other hand in his hair, and I moved my head so I could meet his lips. My back arched, and my hips bucked gently in time with every scissor and curl of his fingers.  
When he finally pulled them out, my breaths were hot, and my chest was tight.  
“Well? Are you ready to do the sideways mambo?”  
“The… what?”  
Jerry chuckled.  
“You know, the horizontal tango? The dance with no pants? Have ourselves a little parallel party? Hide the cuc—“  
I was laughing so hard my sides hurt.  
“Jerry, oh my god stop!”  
“C’mon, it was funny!”  
I rolled my eyes.  
“Shut up, Jerry.”  
“That’s all you ever say. Shut up Jerry. Shut up Jerry. You want me to shut up? I’ll shut up, alright.”  
His grin told me he was just fucking around. But I made a mental note to say it to him less.  
Jerry pulled me in close and spread my legs more. He spread more lube on me and then poured some more out to slick himself up with. I felt my toes curl, and a deep sigh escaped me as he slowly moved into me. It took a few moments for the slight uncomfiness to settle into a slow, deep pleasure. I pulled him in and kissed him with all the desperation inside me at that moment. After giving me time to adjust, he started to move, and I moved back towards him in time with his own thrusts. It really did feel like a dance, tender and passionate, and fluid. Jerry slid one hand up and down my length and the other down the curve of my spine. I shuddered when he eventually moved on to my inner thigh again.  
I lost myself in the feeling of his hips rutting into mine.  
“Jerry… god… fuck… don’t stop!”  
His voice was low and hoarse, with intermittent moans mixed in.  
“If I could get away with never stopping at all, I’d keep you like this forever.”  
“Faster, just please, faster Jer.”  
“Of course, baby.”  
He obliged immediately. His “faster” had me dizzy and shaking within a few minutes. My legs were trembling until Jerry held them still. That drove me absolutely wild.  
I pulled Jerry away from kissing my chest, and I crashed my lips into his. Jerry pulled my legs up so he could get in deeper. I let out a whimpering gasp, but it turned into a yell of pleasure as he hit my prostate. The pleasure I felt building up that tingled all the way to my fingertips suddenly burst outwards.  
“Jerry!! I love you!!!”  
As I writhed in orgasmic bliss and listened to Jerry’s loud, husky moans, I noticed the candles had flared up, and [the fairy lights were flickering on and off individually.](https://drive.google.com/file/d/1yHBFjXGnWLTHJkJ-PGGOReqLbygNZILx/view?usp=sharing) It reminded me of a Christmas light display. I felt my teeth chatter, and my body shake as Jerry kept going.  
“I’m... god fucking damn you’re so goooood… I’m almost there I—“  
Jerry didn’t finish. Instead, he pushed deeper in, and I let out a noise I’d not previously thought possible as he came inside me. I gripped the sheets hard and bit my lip even harder. This sensation was entirely new for me, and it was absolutely fucking nuts. He kissed me through his orgasm, my pants and fucked-out whimpers slipping past as his tongue explored my hot, wet mouth.  
Jerry slowly pulled himself away from me and collapsed next to me. As I laid there, I felt his cum slowly dripping out of me, not to mention my own all over his hand and my stomach. Jerry chuckled softly and looked over at me.  
“I made a bit of a mess, didn’t I?”  
“Nah. _We_ made a bit of a mess.”  
“We’re gonna need a shower after this.”  
“Round two in the shower? I like the way you think, Blackjack.”  
I grinned.  
“You’re so cheeky.”  
He leaned over and pressed a soft kiss just below my ear.  
“And you’re so wonderful.”  
“Husband.”  
“Husband.”

*******

Jerry grabbed the champagne bottle and glasses and popped the cork.  
“We gotta go shopping tomorrow after brunch. I owe someone a new cowboy hat.”  
Jerry gave me a knowing smile.  
“Certainly.”  
I watched him grab his Marlboros off the nightstand after he filled our glasses. I wouldn’t fault him for a cigarette after that intense passion we’d just shared. He looked at the pack, and then at me before tossing them across the room.  
“Gotta keep up my end of the bargain, huh?”  
My heart swelled.  
We laid there together, drinking and feeding each other strawberries. Every so often, Jerry would tell a dumb joke, or we’d talk about something. But mostly we just snuck kisses. It was pure marital bliss.  
And maybe this moment wasn’t perfect. Hell, maybe this whole night wasn’t perfect. But I didn’t want it to be perfect. Perfect wasn’t right. It was wonderful, it was beautiful, and it was imperfect, just like us. 


End file.
